Better Than Death
by Moofy-Fan
Summary: Selim Bradley wakes up paralyzed after being strangled by his father, and slowly comes to terms with his new state, and how it all came to be.


Hello everybody. I got the idea for this one shot when talking to Hellotoday about the possibility of Selim surviving what his father did to him, and then he asked me to write it, so here it is, hurray. He also encouraged me quite a bit though the thing, which helped a lot, since I never wrote a oneshot this long before. A little bit on the sad side, but I guess that's what you get when you write about these things. Also, there is no section for first anime Selim or Mrs. Bradley, what's up with that? I mean, I know that virtually no one writes about them, but still.

Better Than Death

The last thing he could remember was staring up at his father, the precious treasure gripped tightly in his hands, and horrible confusion coupled with severe pain. It was gone now though. Everything was, just a blackness surrounded him. It tended to fade in and out. A few times, he thought he saw his mother, or a white room with other people all dressed in white.

He couldn't feel anything during those times, or any time at that, and wondered maybe if he was in heaven, and those people were angels. They sure looked busy for angels. All those thoughts would quickly slip away as the blackness engulfed him again.

After a while, the moments where to could see the busy angels, as he decided to call them, increased, until finally he felt like he had managed to completely break free of the blackness. He still couldn't feel his body, but surely that would pass after a few moments.

Slowly facts started coming to the ten year old. He was sat up in a bed. The room was white, but there wasn't anyone in it right now, the angels were gone. Shifting his gaze around, he could only see a bit of the room, but his head didn't feel like moving. He was actually pretty sure that there was something around his neck, keeping it in place, but it was hard to really feel it, or anything still. There were a few machines he couldn't name, and a few more were off to the side, he couldn't see them, but he could hear there beeping. He wasn't in heaven, and those weren't angels. He was in a hospital, and those had been doctors.

He heard the door open at that moment, and a few people walk in. He wanted to see who it was, to tell them he was awake, but his body wasn't listening. It made no sense. He tried to move his arms, legs, feet, hands, toes, fingers, anything, none of it seemed to work. It all looked frozen, and he couldn't feel any of it.

Panic started gripping at the boy, and he wanted to call out, to tell whoever was in there that something was wrong, he couldn't move, but his mouth wasn't responding either. Tears started flowing out of his eyes, which just continued to stare forward. At least he could still cry, but he could barely even feel the tears that rolled down his face.

"What the?" he could hear whoever it was off to his left. It sounded like a woman, but it wasn't his mother. They must of noticed him. "G-go get the doctor! He's awake, hurry!" the woman yelled to whoever was with her, before coming towards him. He couldn't see her until she finally bent down and entered his line of vision.

"Don't worry dear, everything's going to be okay," the woman said, wiping his tears away with a white cloth. He guessed she was a nurse. She looked kind, and spoke to him very gently. It managed to calm him enough that he stopped crying, but he still wanted his mother. Why wasn't she here?

It didn't take long for Selim to hear the sound of someone coming through the door, and soon there was a middle aged man leaning down and looking him over, before finally meeting him in the eyes.

"Can you move anything?" he asked, and all Selim could do was stare at him. He wanted to say no, but after a moment of silence the doctor pulled away. "I thought so," he mumbled, and Selim just wished they would tell him what was wrong.

"The nurse told me you were crying," the doctor said, his voice kind. "Well, there's no need for that. I'm going to assume you can hear me, okay little guy? You see, something happened to your spine, which in a bone in your back, okay," the man said, and Selim wanted to tell him that he knew what a spine was, and what could happened if it got hurt. Even though the doctor told him there wasn't any need for crying, he already felt like doing it again.

"Well, the spine is a very important bone, which lets you move. Since it was hurt you can't move anymore, but like I said, don't cry," the doctor repeated, although a few tears had already escaped his eyes. He quickly turned around and took the cloth that the previous nurse had used to wipe his eyes and dried off his tears. "We're going to fix you, okay? You'll be moving again soon, you just need to be patient with us a little, okay? We're going to make sure everything is better as fast as we can," he finished, and Selim wished he could nod, or do anything to let him know he understood, but he guessed he could once the doctors did what they said they would do, and fix him.

After that, the doctor moved away, and Selim couldn't see him anymore. Occasionally someone would walk into his view, or whisper something encouraging to him, but he was still terrified. He wanted his mother, and finally one of the nurses said something that actually made him happy for the first time since he woke up.

"He seems stable, shall I go fetch his mother?" she asked, and Selim wanted to tell her yes himself, but thankfully the doctor did for him.

"Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" he said, the last part directed at him, even though he couldn't answer. At least they weren't ignoring him though. If they did, well, it probably wouldn't of taken very long before he broke again and started crying. He just had to remind himself, the doctors would fix him. They said they were going to, they wouldn't lie.

The sound of the door opening quickly reached his ears, and before he could even try to move himself by instinct him mother was at his side. He wished more than ever that he could do something, anything as she nearly clung to him, mumbling incoherently though her tears. He hated seeing her like this, but there wasn't anything he could do to possibly cheer her up.

"Oh sweetie. Oh god I thought I lost you too. I was so worried. I was so worried…" she said, before finally pulling away and looking him over. The only thing Selim could focus on was that she had said she thought she lost him too. Too meant more then just him. Too meant someone else had died.

"H-he can't move at all?" his mother asked, turning away from him slightly to look at the doctor. Selim could just barely make him out if he moved his eyes as far to the right as he could.

"His spine was cracked in the fire. It's a good thing he got carried out when he did, or there would have been no hope of him getting out alone. We're going to do everything we can to fix him, don't worry," he said, and Mrs. Bradley nodded slightly, turning back to her son.

"Can he at least hear me?" she asked, and Selim truly hoped she knew he could. He could hear everything they were saying, and he was trying to remember how he'd managed to get in this position in the first place. The doctor had mentioned a fire…

"I think he can. He's been looking between us during this conversation, and he seemed to respond when I was explaining what had happened," the man said, and Selim could see his mother relax slightly, and was truly happy that the doctor had been so observant.

"Sweetie, dear, can you hear me?" his mother asked, and Selim did his best to stare right at her and let her know that yes, he could. It was after this that his mother started going in between talking to him and to the doctors and nurses, seeming much more calm then when she'd come in, but still shaken terribly. Selim just kept focusing on the 'too' in her earlier sentence.

Too. Who else could have been hurt, and died? It seemed to come to him in a flash. The fire. His father. The treasure. Everything became clear to him, even what his farther had done, and just who it was that must of died.

Beyond his control, he was crying again, although he wasn't even sure for what. That his dad was dead? That he'd done this to him? All of it, probably. Whatever the cause was, it almost immediately caught the attention of his mother and the nurses still in the room.

"What's wrong dear? Does something hurt? What's wrong?" His mother asked frantically, and he wanted to answer her. To tell her what had happened, and ask if he was right, and father was really gone. Or maybe he was just in jail, for trying to kill him? Either way, he didn't like what was going on at all, and just wanted it to all go away.

He couldn't though, and he knew that it was only worrying his mother more with him crying and not being able to tell her why, but it was so hard to keep the emotions hidden inside, especially since there was no other way for him to express anything.

After a while he slowly managed to stop his tears, although his mother didn't leave his side for quite some time. It actually wasn't until he heard one of the nurses tell her that visiting time was over, that she finally left the room with a promise to come back the next day.

It wasn't long after that at all that he fell back to sleep, although this time it wasn't the comforting blackness that he hoped for. He was back before his father, surrounded by fire with a dieing man pinned to the wall, and he couldn't breath again, the hands wrapped tightly around his neck, and there was nothing he could do until he heard his spine snap, and his eyes flung open, faster then he even thought was possible in his paralyzed state.

He was alone, and it was dark. The device to his left was beeping extremely fast, and he guessed that was the one that monitored his heart. He tried to relax, but couldn't when he was unable to go for help, or call out to his mother or even try and comfort himself. All he could do was stare forward at the wall, alone in the whitewashed hospital room until day break.

It was only because of exhaustion that he'd managed to fall back asleep, thankfully not waking up again until the doctors and nurses were back, and his mother was sitting by his side. She was talking to the head doctor when he awoke.

"-a way medical alchemy could be used to heal him?" he caught as he slowly drifted into consciousness. No doubt they were talking about him, and he decided to listen in and figure out what they were talking about before he opened his eyes and distracted them by waking up.

"Yes ma'am, we're currently looking for the best alchemic doctor in the country to help him, as you requested only the best," the doctor explained to his mother. They were going to fix him with alchemy? He'd always loved the science. Was going to learn it to help his father when he grew up, in the military. He tried to rid himself of those thoughts as he concentrated on the rest of the conversation.

"I did, and that's what I expect, but first this alchemy, how would it work? It's not dangerous, is it?" she asked, and Selim was glad she did. While he really didn't care how it worked, he just didn't want something else he loved to hurt him any more then he already was.

"Well, I'm no alchemist, but I believe that it would work in a way of reconstructing the spinal cord where it was cracked, which would reconnect the nerves and allow him his mobility back. As for any dangers that may be involved, besides the obviousness of working with such a delicate area, you would have to take that up with the alchemist, Mrs. Bradley," the man explained, and Selim opened his eyes to look over at the two now, just in time to see his mother nodding.

"Yes I will, and you say this is the best chance we have of curing him?" she asked, and the doctor nodded his head a bit sadly.

"It's our only chance. If this doesn't work, he may stay in a paralyzed state for the rest of his life," he said, and Selim could feel his heart speeding up, the only physical indication of his fear of that statement. They only had one chance… he wouldn't ever get better if alchemy didn't work. He tried to keep himself from crying, but the sped up heart monitor had already caught their attention quite nicely.

"Oh sweetie, you're awake," his mother said as she walked over to him, and sat down again. "It's gonna be okay dear, the doctor just told me that they're going to get an alchemist to fix you up, isn't that nice?" she asked, and Selim decided to just agree with her in his mind, seeing as that was the response she would make up in her head.

The rest of the day was quiet, and his mother stayed until she was once again asked to leave by a nurse. It was during the day was Selim noticed all the tubes and things he was plugged into. He didn't even know that such advanced things existed. Sure there was automail, but this stuff was feeding him from the inside, since he couldn't move his mouth, or at least, that's what his mother had told him.

He fell asleep earlier then the night before, and was once again woken by the same reality turned nightmare and the fast speed beeping in his left ear. He cried this time, and there wasn't anybody awake to dry them now, so the tears stayed on his face until he eventually fell back to sleep, and time dried them instead.

In the morning he was woken up by one of the nurses gently shaking his shoulder, although he didn't know why seeing as he couldn't feel it, and speaking to him.

"It's time to wake up dear," She said, and Selim slowly opened his eyes to see the doctor and a man he'd never seen before next to him. Shifting his gaze to the side he could see his mother standing nervously.

"Hello Selim, I'd like you to meet Mr. Rheon Hinrock, he's the alchemist that's going to be treating you," the doctor said, and Selim focused his attention on Mr. Hinrock, curiosity abound. He had dark brown hair, and wore a military uniform, so Selim could only assume that he was one of the state alchemist. Well, they were the best alchemist in the country after all, and his mother had said she wanted only the best.

"He's going to cure you, isn't that great?" his mother asked and Selim had to admit that it was. It felt like he was hardly even alive, not being able to move, or talk or do anything.

"Alright, well we best get started. Selim, we're going to put you to sleep for the procedure," the doctor said, and it wasn't like the black haired boy was in any sort of position to argue. Out of the corner of his eye he could see one of the nurses stick a needle into his arm. Normally he was afraid of needles and would protest, if just a little bit, but well, he couldn't do that now, but hopefully, once he woke up, he'd be able to. Quickly the familiar blackness from before started pulling at the edges of his mind again, making everything hazy, until he was completely engulfed and asleep once more.

Slowly the boy started opening his eyes. He had no idea how much time had passed, and could barely remember falling asleep in the first place. Looking around, he was still in the hospital, but there wasn't anybody in the room again. Blinking, he couldn't help but think that the room seemed a lot bigger then before.

Smiling, he couldn't believe he hadn't realized right away. He looked around! By moving his neck! He could move, whatever that Mr. Alchemist man had did worked! He quickly tried to push himself off the bed and really move around, but while his arms were moving just like normal, his legs wouldn't listen to him.

Selim frowned slightly to himself. He still couldn't feel his legs… Did something mess up when they fixed his neck? Shaking his head, still shocked that he could actually do that, he tried to calm himself down. Maybe they just weren't done yet. It was probably really complicated, and not something they could do all at once.

"M-mom!" he called out, both surprised and ecstatic at the sound of his own voice, hoping someone would come in and tell him exactly what had happened, and how much longer it would be before he could use his legs too. It wasn't long at all before one of the nurses walked into the room, her smile very wide when she saw he was sitting up and awake.

"Hello dear, how do you feel?" she asked as she walked closer to him, and Selim smiled as he leaned back slightly in the bed.

"Good, but I can't move my legs still, is that normal?" he asked, and the woman frowned slightly before quickly returning to her smile. Selim still managed to catch it though, and his worry definitely increased. He just had to tell himself it was okay though. He could move, and talk. He wasn't completely trapped like before. If they could do that then they could definitely make him legs back to normal too.

"I think it'd be better if the doctor explained everything to you, would you like me to go get him?" the nurse asked, and Selim nodded his head.

"Yes please," he said, and the woman quickly left to fetch the middle aged man, leaving the young boy once again alone in the room. He didn't mind as much though, still amazing by all the feelings that were back. If he just ignored his legs, it was amazing. He may have only been trapped for almost three days, but it was still the worse three days of his life. Well… the last time he saw his father might have beat all that… but he quickly shook his head and tired to ignore it. He could tell them what happened later. Right now he just had to focus on the good.

The doctor came in after that, looking very pleased, and the alchemist was behind him, looking Selim over carefully. The black haired boy smiled timidly back at the two men. He had never actually spoken to them before, it was kind of strange.

"Hello Selim, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked, nearly the same exact question that the nurse had when she had come in.

"Good, thank you so much," he said, truly thankful and frankly a little surprised that they were able to fix him so quickly. His mother was the president's wife though, so that had to do something with how fast they were able to get everything to fix him with. Before the doctor was able to say anything else though, Selim decided it was best to just ask his question and get it over with. Maybe they would tell him that they could fix it right up and he'd be walking again in no time.

"But um… I can't move my legs still, is it suppose to be like that?" he asked quietly, and the doctor and alchemist quickly exchanged a glance, before the alchemist stepped forward to explain whatever it was causing the problem.

"Well you see boy, the crack in your neck was very sever, you're lucky that it hadn't snapped completely and instantly killed you," Mr. Hinrock said, not quite as gentle with his words as the doctors and nurses had been. Selim just stared up at him, a bit afraid now of nodding his head, incase he somehow managed to snap it like he said.

"I was able to partially seal the bones together, enough to give you control of your upper body, but it is still damaged enough that, as you said, your legs are incapable of movement. It's too delicate an area to try and go back and attempt to fully recover, especially since we can't even see the bones," the alchemist finished, and Selim just nodded silently.

S-so… he couldn't walk… That was okay… He could still talk to people, and write and do everything that wasn't walking, or running or moving on his own, or… or… Tears started falling from the boy's eyes, but he looked down at his covers and tried to avoid eye contact with any of the other people in the room. He could move again, he just couldn't walk. He should be happy, not crying like a little baby.

He heard one of the men leave the room, but didn't bother to look up to see which one. He hoped it was the alchemist. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful for everything the man had done, he was, but he just wasn't exactly as nice as some of the hospital people were.

He heard the door open again and someone walk in. That person was almost instantly at his side, and it didn't take him very long at all to figure out it was his mother, almost smothering him in a hug.

"M-mom," he managed to say, but the woman just shook her head and pulled away slightly to look him over.

"It's okay sweetie, it's going to be okay. I know it seems bad now, but we'll work it out, I promise," the older woman said, and Selim just nodded and snuggled into the woman again. He had to believe what she said. It wasn't much later that he had fallen asleep in his mothers arms, completely exhausted, despite hardly moving at all.

When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was set and he was surprised at just how much of the day he'd spent asleep. He had kind of gone through surgery though, so he guessed that was a bit of an excuse. His mother was still there, but she probably wouldn't be able to stay much longer.

"Oh Selim, you're awake," she said, looking him over a few times. The black haired boy just smiled and nodded at her, not quite sure what to say. He really was happy about being able to move again, he didn't want her to think that he wasn't just because he couldn't walk, it was just… well, he couldn't walk. Before he could really think to say anything though, his mother stood up.

"Well, I don't want to leave, but visiting hour ended a while ago. Don't worry though, they said that you could probably come home with me tomorrow," Mrs. Bradley explained, and Selim nodded, a question forming in his head.

"We still have a home?" he asked before he could really think about it. It was just, the fire, surely a lot of it had been destroyed. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out for before he woke up, but surely it hadn't been that long. His mother just stared at him slightly before nodded.

"Yes. The fire damaged a few rooms, but they were able to put it out quick enough that the reconstruction is almost finished," she explained, and Selim guessed that made sense. It probably just seemed like more since he'd been in the room the fire probably started in, and he hadn't exactly seen anything else, since… well…

"M-mom," he called to her, before she got the chance to leave the room. He didn't know what to say, and wasn't even sure he could say anything without crying. The older woman turned around and put her attention back on him though, so he couldn't just be silent or say it was nothing, she would know that he was lying, after all.

"W-what happened… with dad?" it was all he could really get out, and he wasn't even able to look at his mother while he did. He could tell from her silence that it wasn't something good, and wondered if anyone even knew how he ended up this way. He wasn't exactly awake to tell them, and he wasn't sure if that man on the wall was in any position to last long enough to get away from his father, let alone say what had happened.

"I'm so sorry… he didn't survive the fire dear… " his mother said, sounding on the verge of tears herself. So he really was dead… Selim almost instantly felt terrible, but it wasn't because his father was dead. No, it was because he was dead and he didn't really feel anything. He just felt numb, like he'd lost all the movement in his body again, and… relieved… which was probably what was making him feel the worst.

"Oh…" he said quietly, not sure or really able to do anything else. He could just barely see his mother nod out of the corner of his eye. She was so devastated by what happened… he couldn't tell her that father had been the one to do this to him. She had already been put though so much.

"Well, it's getting late sweetie, but I promise to come see you first thing in the morning," his mother said, trying her best to keep her voice from cracking. Selim just nodded and tried to smile, although he knew it didn't look very believable.

"Okay, goodbye," he said quietly, and his mother just nodded before heading out the room, leaving him alone for the night. He was getting used to it, but it would definitely be a welcomed change when he was allowed to go home and sleep in his own bed, hopefully as early as tomorrow.

The small boy sighed as sleep escaped him. He'd slept for most of the day after all, and he just couldn't get his mind to calm down. He could move too, so simply playing around with his fingers was much more entertaining then he'd ever found it before. Of course, it wasn't making the morning come any faster, the clock seeming to move slower then ever, especially since he couldn't even see where the hands were in the dark room.

Just as she promised, his mother was there first thing in the morning, and he had somehow fallen asleep sometime between 1 or 2am. He was glad to see her though, and maybe for the chance to get out of the hospital finally. He wasn't sure how long he'd actually been inside, he didn't even know the date to know how long he'd been out for, he hadn't bothered to ask, and no one had told him.

"Good morning dear, did you sleep well?" his mother asked as she came in, and Selim nodded, deciding it would be best to just keep her as happy as he could. She had already lost father, and now had to deal with a paralyzed child.

"Do I get to go home today mother?" he asked, trying to sound as upbeat as possible. Mrs. Bradley smiled softly at him and nodded, which really was a relief to the child. The people here were nice, but he still wanted to go home, because until he did he really couldn't grasp the fact that he still had one to go back to. Everything seemed like it had been uprooted too fast for any remains to actually exist, but his mother said that there were, and he wanted to see for himself.

"Yes, I just have to check you out with the doctors," she said, and Selim nodded. It felt strange that less then a day ago, he was completely trapped, only able to shift his eyes about. It kind of made him wonder how much longer he would have had to wait for the same treatment if he wasn't the late president's son. The late president… He had to get his mind off of that.

"That's good," he said, not sure what else he should do. He couldn't talk about his father, it would only get mother upset, and he couldn't talk about his legs, he would just start crying. No, he just had to focus on the positive. He could move his upper body, and he was going to leave the hospital… because there wasn't anything else they could do to help him.

"I'm going to go talk to the doctor, and see if we can get you out," she said, and Selim just nodded. Good, the sooner, the better, although he had to wonder how they were going to get him out. His mother couldn't exactly carry him, probably a wheelchair or something. He guessed he could get used to that.

Waiting for his mother to return, he rub his arms slightly. They had taken the needles feeding him out yesterday, but his arms still felt a little sore. It was about ten minutes later, he'd been staring at the clock trying to pass the time, when his mother came back, a nurse behind her pushing an empty wheelchair. So he was right.

"Dear, they said that I could take you home, and this is so that you can move around, it'll take a little getting used to, but soon you'll be able to move yourself around in it all by yourself," the older woman said, trying to keep her voice sounding cheerful. He knew that this was all probably as bad for her as it was for him. He just smiled though as he looked over at the metal chair.

"That's great," the black haired boy said, and the nurse and his mother quickly, and a bit haphazardly helped him out of the bed and into the chair. He was still wearing hospital clothes, but mother said he could change once they got home. He'd have to relearn a new way of doing that.

When they reached the car, he was once again helped into the backseat, and two nurses helped his mother fold up the chair a bit and slide it into the truck. It took maybe ten minutes to do, and he had no idea how his mother would handle that alone back home. Of course, the guards would probably help her. If they still had guards. Well, it looked like they still had a driver, so maybe the country hadn't completely abandoned the remnants of it's ruling family.

After his mother got into the car they quickly sped off towards their home. The ride was mostly silent, neither mother or child knowing how to deal with the wall of awkwardness and loss that was between them. So instead they just tried to ignore it, hoping maybe it would go away if they tried hard enough.

It wasn't a very far drive to their house, and Selim saw that she had spoken the truth when she said it was still standing. There did seem to be a few construction workers around the outside, but it definitely wasn't the burnt out shell he'd expected to find.

As he thought, the driver and a guard helped to pull his wheelchair out of the trunk and lift him into it. He didn't like the thought of having to be carted around his whole life, but told himself to ignore it. There wasn't anything he could do to change it. It was just like the alchemist had said, he was lucky to just be alive, he should be appreciating that instead of focusing on the negative, but it was just so hard.

His mother wheeled him up to the front steps, and two of the worker barely managed to carry him up it a bit roughly. He could hear his mother mumbling about how they would need to get a ramp. Selim could see several signs of the fire throughout the front room, and tried to block the images of that night from resurfacing in his mind. Instead, he quickly switched his thoughts to something else.

"Mother, my room's upstairs… I don't think that will work anymore," he said, and the older woman nodded sadly.

"No… no it wont. Don't worry dear, I'll have all your things moved to one of the spare rooms downstairs, any one you like," she said, and Selim nodded, choosing one at random. It really didn't matter, as long as he could get to it, he guessed. Looking up the stairs, it felt so odd, to think that he might never go back up there. It would be too much of a hassle to carry him and the chair all the way.

As some of the workers carefully brought down the contents of his room, the black haired boy and his mother sat silently in the living room, such a different feel then what used to be before all of this had happened. Selim just wanted it to go all back to normal. Why did this happen in the first place? They hadn't done anything wrong, and father had just been working for the good of the country… at least, he was almost sure he was.

They were both drinking some tea, and while it felt nice to have something that wasn't hospital food or put into his blood through a tube, he couldn't concentrate on it. Should he try to say something? And if so, what?

"Selim, dear?" Mrs. Bradley said, and Selim looked up from his drink almost instantly. She'd been calling him dear, and sweetie and other things like that pretty much constantly since he woke up, it was a little strange, but he wasn't going to remark on that now, just glad that someone was staying something.

"Y-yes?" he asked, wondering what she wanted to say. She wasn't looking at him, instead staring down at her tea.

"I'm… I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect you…" the older woman said quietly, and Selim wasn't at first sure what she meant. She hadn't even been there when father had done this to him, so how was she suppose to protect him?

"N-no mother, it's aright. You weren't even there, so it's okay. You wouldn't of been able to do anything anyway," the boy said, hoping to ease her mind. There wasn't anything she could of done. Father was too strong, and he wasn't sure if she would have been able to move out of the shock. He just stood there and let it happen, after all, and he was the one in immediate danger. His mother just shook her head though and wouldn't look him in the eye.

"There had to have been something… I shouldn't of let you out of my sight in the first place…" she mumbled, and Selim was reminded that when it came right down to it, all this was his fault. He was the one who went back home. He could have stayed with him mother, where it was somewhat safe, instead of going back to get that stupid treasure. He still didn't even know what it was, in the end.

"Mama…" he didn't know what to say to let her know it was all his fault, not hers, but didn't know what. He felt so useless, it wasn't fair. He couldn't even keep his own mother happy, or his father from becoming angry enough to try and kill him.

Mrs. Bradley sighed to herself before shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Here, let me get you some more tea," the older woman said, taking the cup from him in order to refill it. Selim didn't pay much attention though, too focused on a way to convince her that it had nothing to do with her, and she shouldn't blame herself for his stupid, childish mistakes.

"It was my fault…" he mumbled slightly as she handed the cup back to him, but his mother just shook her head, as if just because she said so, then it wasn't true, even though he knew it was. He had done something to get father so mad, that he thought he deserved to die… and then father had. That was probably his fault too.

"Don't say that dear, it's not true," the older woman said, but he just shook his head, it was true, but he couldn't explain to her why. She'd get too upset, if she found out he was the sole reason he was paralyzed and father was dead. She didn't try to push him anymore though, and soon the builders were done moving his room.

"Why don't we go see your new room?" his mother suggested, and Selim halfheartedly agreed. It was just… it was hard to really be happy right now, no matter how much he tried to look on the bright side, there was something pulling him down, each one harder then the last.

Once in his new room, Selim tried to convince himself that it really did look nice, and not strange and out of place when compared to his old one. It was probably best that it was different. It would be better to just start out everything fresh, and pretend everything before hadn't happened. At least, that was the only solution that he could think of that would possible mend the shattered mess he and his mother were left with.

"Mother?" he asked quietly, but it was just loud enough to catch the older woman's attention. He didn't know what he was going to do anymore, but he'd just have to take it one day at a time. It wasn't like he could ever think of joining the military now, after all.

"Yes sweetie, is something wrong?" she asked, and Selim shook his head, which he had to remind himself he hadn't been able to do over a day ago, and that he should be happy. He was alive, and he could talk to those he really cared about.

"No… everything looks great," he said, sighing under his breath. He had to tell himself it would all be okay in the end, whatever and whenever that was.

Over the next month, Selim slowly got used to life in his wheelchair. His mother made sure to get a ramp within the first week, so the front stairs were no longer a problem. Neither person talked about what had happened before, and the losses that had stripped both of them dry. Instead they ignored it, choosing to smile through it all, and occasionally remind themselves that it could have been worse, much, much worse.

Selim was sitting in the garden in their courtyard. They had been allowed to keep their house, and received payment from the government to support them since what happened to his father. It was well into spring now, and the place looked as beautiful as ever, although he wasn't really paying much attention to it.

The black haired boy had yet to tell him mother about the circumstances that had led him to be stuck in this chair. He had heard that the man who was pinned to the wall had survived, and was a state alchemist named Roy Mustang. He had been the one to carry him out, but hadn't reported how he had ended up in that state.

Looking back towards his house, which was now free of any traces of a fire ever being there, he was glad that the man hadn't. He didn't want mother to know what had happened, even if he had to bare it himself his entire life. It would be worth it to just keep her from having so much guilt. She still loved father after all, he couldn't just destroy everything she'd ever thought about him.

Grabbing the wheels, he started moving himself farther into the garden. It had taken him a while to get the hang of it, like mother had said it would, but now he had almost complete control. Sure, going up ramps and hills was still hard, his arms weren't strong enough yet, but they would be someday.

It wasn't that he had stopped wishing that he could walk again, far from it, but he knew that it just couldn't happen. He might of only been ten years old, but he didn't feel like it anymore. Sure, he would still act like a kid, and cry at night when the occasional nightmare would plague his dreams, but he had to act more mature. His father was gone, so it was up to him to take care of mother. He would have left her all alone.

Reaching the edge of the yard, he wasn't even sure why he had come here. Sighing, he started wheeling himself back towards the house. He wanted so bad to be able to run back towards the house, but dully reminded himself of the time when he had been completely trapped, and knew that this was much better then what he had.

And above all, it was better than death. Sure, mother had been a lot more subdued since he ended up this way, but she was still trying, and still taking care of him. Even if they were running on false hope and denial, it was getting them somewhere.

Looking back towards the spring time yard, he frowned slightly. He had no idea what had been happening when his father fought that Roy Mustang State Alchemist, or why. He didn't know what the treasure had been, or where it had gone or, or why it had gotten father angry enough to try and kill him. He didn't understand why father had a tattoo on his eye that day, or that robotic man who crashed into their car and gave him the chance to go back in the first place.

He didn't know where the secret tunnel behind that bookcase led, or the right combination to open it. He would never understand what Roy Mustang had meant when he said father wasn't human, or whatever his master plan was.

It was as if they were a huge story going on without them, and he and his mother were just left alone in the end, with nothing to show for but a dozen fragments that didn't make sense and a couple of broken lives.

Turning around, he wheeled himself into the house. There was no use on dwelling on the mysteries of a past he didn't understand, so he would just have to go forward, he and his mother both. Even if they never found out the answers, or managed to put together their shattered lives completely.

They just had to keep on moving forward. Selim smiled as he saw his mother in the other room, and went over to join her, and continue to talk about trivial things, and ignore the big issues neither of them were ready to face.

They both just had to tell themselves, it was worth it to just have a little of what was left, to not having lost everything that day.

Above all, it was just plain better than death, and that was all they could ask for.

* * *

><p>Wooohooo! I didn't think this would ever be done! Definitely my longest oneshot to date. I'm proud of it though. Kind of more on the bittersweet side, definitely, but I hope it wasn't too sad for all of you. Well, I hope you liked it, and please review.<p> 


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